Category: struggle

This is an update about things going on health-wise. (I know these can be quite boring… I get bored and I’m the target!) Today I had surgery to insert a triple-line catheter into my chest to aid with giving blood and receiving blood (or other less pleasant things). Wednesday I begin the process of stem cell collection. In 2005, while the cancer count was basically non-existent, I did this and harvested about 1.8 million stem cells from my bone marrow. These are currently frozen at Northside Hospital. I am now working with the doctors at Emory Hospital, where I had a stem cell transplant in 2001. If we get enough cells this week, there’s a good possibility I’ll have another transplant in the near future. (If you want to pray specifically… they would like to get at least 2 million more cells.) The challenge is this: the more chemotherapy a person has had (I’ve had a bunch), the more damage there is to the bone marrow and the less stems cells are in the bones. Collection involves sitting still for five hours while my blood runs through a machine and stem cells are captured. I’m scheduled to do this at Emory through Saturday of this week… then we’ll see.

Susan and I are at peace. The bad numbers have jumped significantly the past 4 months, so we believe we need to go on the offensive. My bones were hurting pretty bad before spring break, but, as often happens, God removed all pain when we left the country and he has given me abundant energy all spring. I marvel at his ways, his provision, his power, and his humor. We need his wisdom for important decisions, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if we’re in his will, we can’t really mess up. Being in his will means we really desire to follow his plan… and we obey him. “So we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” I can’t say I understand completely how all this works, but I do understand a little more than I used to.

So we appreciate all prayers. No need to worry… just present your requests to God… with thanksgiving.

“Now about the collection for God’s people…” I Corinthians 16:1 (… a little out of context… sorry)

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7

“Here is a trustworthy saying,
‘If we died with him, we will live with him;
If we endure, we will also reign with him;
If we disown him, he will disown us;
If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot deny himself.’” II Timothy 2:11-13

So often I have been a faithless child who looks to a Father who continues to be faithful. When I look back over eight years of dealing with cancer, I marvel at the ways of God. Each one of us has his own journey… a race God has given us to run. We are instructed to keep our eyes fixed on the One who saved us, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Often God chooses not to reveal much of the path ahead so we can learn to walk by faith. Though I know this to be true, I still sometimes express my disagreements:

“Lord, why do I have to deal with all this? Why can’t you just take the problems away?”

“Do you trust me more now than you did eight years ago or do you trust me less? Do you believe that my strength can be seen in your weakness?”

“I trust you more, Lord, but I’m not too sure about the matter of my weakness. I will admit that on every occasion it seems you give me just what I need. I needed energy to run camps again this past summer and you supplied. When I’ve gone to other countries, you’ve always given me great health for the trip. Why can’t those high-energy, healthy times continue year round? Why do I have to deal with the lows?”

“I taught my children in the desert to depend on me for their food each day. Some wanted to gather extra manna to store up for the future, but I always made the surplus rot. I want to teach you the same lesson. Will you trust me each day?”

“I’m trying to learn, Lord, but there’s so much I don’t understand. Why did John die of cancer, Lord? He was just twenty-five years old and had only been married a couple of months. And why has twenty-year-old David had such a rough battle with leukemia? And what about Jane and Henry and Dick and Holly and…”

“Do you really think you can handle the details of the suffering of others? You can’t. But you can share this: God is for his children; He is not against them. Then you can practice what so many have given you… my love. My love is often best understood in the hard times of life. You don’t need to figure everything out, but you can be my hands and feet on the earth.”

So here’s my confession at the beginning of another school year: I don’t want to be faithless, but if I’m honest, sometimes I am. I don’t want to doubt, but sometimes I do. I don’t want to complain, but sometimes I’m pretty much a wimp. The truth is: God is faithful. He rescues, he overcomes, and he gives peace in the storm. He cannot deny himself, and his children are a part of him. Even if it is time to pass from this life to the next, he is with us… for he is our faithful Shepherd.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” II Corinthians 12:9

A dozen of us gathered at my next door neighbor’s home last Thursday evening, the night before Dave was to have surgery for prostrate cancer. Ann, a nurse at Emory who shines out Jesus’ love and mercy everywhere she goes, opened a Bible and said she wanted to read something before we all prayed. The Spirit of God was in the room as these familiar words were read: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” (Phil 4:4-8)

The blood report last week revealed this new chemo I’ve been taking is effective. Thanks for your prayers! It is easy to rejoice when you get a good report, but what about before you know the outcome of the surgery? How do you deal with all the unknowns without being anxious? How do you keep your mind on noble things while your world seems to be in chaos? You can’t… unless the Lord is near. The blessing of peace in a room of neighbors was not a result of good friendships, or an excellent nurse, or people who have experienced other trials… the peace was from God. To mention the word ‘rejoice’ in hard circumstances makes no sense to the world, but if the Lord is near, the child of God is living beyond this world.

I have another neighbor who’s been fighting leukemia for three years. He’s nineteen years old and a hero of mine. My son loves to fish with him, he’s an incredible tennis player, and he’s gotten more bad reports lately than good. Last month, no one knew whether David would live through a tough weekend. His mom sent out an e-mail that ran chills down every parent’s spine. “We’ve talked a lot about Heaven,” she wrote. Experiencing every emotion you can imagine, a godly mother helped her son think about pure, lovely, excellent, and praiseworthy things. I saw her Sunday and she bravely smiled with tear-filled eyes as she shared the current struggle. David’s dad told me a few days ago that as hard as this trial has been on everyone, he understands a little more of what God did for us as His Son suffered on our behalf. This family may not feel it sometimes, but God is near. David is an overcomer… his gentleness is evident to all.

I hate cancer. I often hate the fact that painful things hit us on this earth with no understandable explanation. But I’m going to tell everyone there is still joy in the Lord. I’m going to say that when God is near, all things are possible. I’m going to tell everyone that God is love. I’m going to ask the Father to help us keep our eyes on the Good Shepherd as we listen to His gentle voice. Please pray for my neighbors.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23

My least favorite topic to write about is my health, but several have asked what is going on, so I guess it is good to share every now and then. This also gives me a chance to sneak in some prayer requests, knowing the prayers of the righteous make a big difference. At Thanksgiving I revolted and escaped the doctor’s office without receiving chemotherapy. The nurse told me I couldn’t do such a thing, but I thought I was a little faster than she was, so I bolted. I’ve never scored a touchdown in a Super Bowl, but there couldn’t be much better a feeling than sprinting untouched through the doctor’s office, across the parking lot, and into my 1984 Nissan Maxima… drug-free. (Actually, I didn’t sprint… I just walked briskly… there are a lot of frail people in a cancer center.)

When I had to meet with my doctor again, I felt a bit like a kid in the principal’s office. In a gentle way, he said, “We’ve been battling this disease over seven years now, so you know you can be honest with me and I know I can be honest with you.” I told him I had been on the same chemo sixteen straight months just to keep the cancer stable. I told him my body was feeling it and that Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday and I just wanted to be chemo-free. I was hoping he would expel me from Suburban Hematology, but he said he understood. (Compassionate doctors can be annoying sometimes…) He suggested we take some time off and let my body recover a bit. During the first month the bad protein only rose from 1.7 to 1.9. (At my diagnosis in 2000, this protein count was the highest at 6.3… a healthy person’s count is zero.) This past month, the number rose from 1.9 to 2.6 (a big increase). I also started feeling the familiar pain creep back into my bones. Believe it or not, this pain can make a man beg for chemo in hope of some relief. I wasn’t quite begging yet, but I knew my time of running from the doctors was over. (I heard this week that Roy Scheider, of ‘Jaws’ fame, just died of multiple myeloma, reminding me that this cancer is not very friendly.)

Last Friday I started a new chemotherapy. It is one I have not yet had and I guess it is the last ‘big gun’ the doctors know about. It always takes me a while to figure out the side effects, so if you don’t mind, please pray they are minimal. Please also pray the 21-day treatment is effective (I won’t find out results for a month). I’m already picking up a cold, I’m afraid, so please pray I can avoid these sicknesses while my white blood counts are low. Susan and I and eighteen others have airline tickets for a mission trip to Namibia at the end of March, so please also pray that I am able to go to Africa. (I promise not to run away and hide in the desert…) Our family knows the importance of prayer in the journey. We’re all sojourners in need of people praying for us along the way. Thanks for receiving these requests.

Love,
Dana

“I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings…” Psalm 17:6-8

The result of last week’s tests brought a little bad news as we recently met with the doctor. The protein count that reveals multiple myeloma has started to rise again. We’re still going to try to collect stem cells this month then decide the best path to follow. We trust God will give us wisdom and, as usual, we appreciate your prayers.

Bad news is not so bad if we can remember the good things God has told us. Peter thought he was getting bad news from Jesus after the resurrection as his death was foretold: “I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” I wonder how many times Peter thought about these words as he encountered various dangers. Shortly after Pentecost, he and John were arrested for healing a lame man and preaching the gospel. I wonder if Peter reasoned: “This can’t be the end… Jesus said I would be old when I died.” Whatever he thought, all noticed the great courage of these unschooled men who had been with Jesus.

Some time later, Peter found himself in a worse circumstance. Herod had just put to death John’s brother, James, and since this execution pleased the Jews, Peter was seized and imprisoned. As he sat in chains, waiting for a public trial, Peter probably thought: “Well, I guess this is it. I thought I would be older, but Jesus told me I wouldn’t be able to stretch out my hands… and I sure don’t want to go to this trial.” But as he slept, guarded by sixteen soldiers, the church earnestly prayed and God did something that surprised everyone (see Acts 12). Can you imagine Peter telling the story? “I tell you, I was doomed! But then this bright light came and an angel told me to get my clothes on. My chains fell off and the gates opened as I followed that angel right out of prison. I thought I was dreaming… until I found myself standing in the middle of the street. Then when I knocked at Mary’s house, Rhoda wouldn’t even open the door! Everyone was convinced she had seen a ghost. That was quite a night!” I’m sure Peter laughed every time he talked about it.

It is not recorded in Scripture, but we know Peter did die. It happened just like Jesus said it would. Tradition says he requested to be crucified upside down. That sounds like something Peter would suggest. I’ll bet he had peace at the end. The Holy Spirit probably whispered encouraging words to him. Or perhaps He just reminded him of things the Master had already said: “Fear not, little flock, the Father has chosen to give you a Kingdom. You’re going to have trouble in this world, but take heart, I have overcome the world! I am with you… even to the end. Don’t let your heart be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. We’re going to be together soon, and wait until you see what I’ve prepared!” The Holy Spirit still works this way… and bad news is not so bad.