Dana's Christian Journey

musings of a thankful cancer survivor

Author: Dana

  • setback

    —

    Dana

    A close friend who lives in another town texted: “I’m sorry you had to go back in the hospital. Was that expected or is this a setback?” I picked up a sinus infection several days ago and because my immune system is so compromised, I ended up spending five more days on the ninth floor at Emory. Here’s a great ‘setback’ story from the Old Testament:

    So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up – one on one side, one on the other – so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. (Exodus 17:10-13)

    Moses discovered that when his hands were down there was a setback; when his hands were up, there was victory. If this is the complete secret to success, surely my hands will always be up… and I’ll go undefeated. And if it works on the battlefield, then perhaps I can find a way to keep my hands up when I play my neighbor in checkers. And when I anticipate a long argument with my wife, I’ll invite Aaron and Hur to my house.

    As far as we know, this is only time such battle tactics were used, but surely there is a message for God’s children. After the battle, “Moses built an altar and called it The Lord is My Banner. He said, ‘For hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord.’” (Exodus 17:15-16)

    I recently woke up in the middle of the night with these thoughts, and started feeling one of the lingering symptoms of the sinus infection. Two Tylenol always help with the headaches, so I rose, took two tablets and went back to bed. Twenty minutes later, I was still thinking about this story and my headache was much worse. Laying on my side, I lifted up my free arm and gained immediate relief from the pain. “Hmm,” I thought, “I don’t think Susan will appreciate me waking her up with the request to hold my hand toward the ceiling the rest of the night.” Thankfully the headache did not return.

    Setbacks are a part of life, but God wants us to always live with Him as our Banner… and we need brothers and sisters like Aaron and Hur to do it. We cannot live victoriously without members of the Body of Christ reminding us of the Father’s heart and holding our hands up when we are weak.

    To live as The Lord is My Banner, we must keep our eyes lifted up. “God is over all; He is not worried or confused; I will exalt Him.” The world cannot be expected to think or act this way, but God’s children can… because “we know and rely on the love God has for us.” In the last verse of 10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman says such living sustains us to the end of our time on earth and into life eternal.

    And on that day when my strength is failing
    The end draws near and my time has come.
    Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
    Ten thousand years and then forevermore.

    Bless the Lord oh my soul. Oh my soul
    Worship His holy name
    Sing like never before, oh my soul
    I’ll worship Your holy name.

    “I look up to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

    10,000 Reasons ©2011 Atlas Mountain Songs (Admin. by Capitol CMG Publishing)

  • forgotten

    —

    Dana

    Toward the end of The Fellowship of the Ring, J. R. R. Tolkien’s first book in his Lord of the Rings masterpiece, Gandalf faced a monster in the mines of Moria to stop its advance upon his friends. “You cannot pass!” was Gandalf’s bold declaration… spoken with the authority God gives His children against the enemy. The resulting struggle caused both the monster and Gandalf to fall into the abyss.  The eight remaining members of the Fellowship were overwhelmed with sorrow at the loss of their leader.

    In The Two Towers, the second book of the trilogy, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas were shocked beyond belief in the dreaded Fangorn Forest when a shining figure revealed himself as the friend they thought had perished. Gandalf had survived the fall and defeated his foe. He declared, “I have passed through fire and deep water, since we parted. I have forgotten much I thought I knew, and learned again much that I had forgotten.”

    I told Susan that it seems God knows that every few years I need to be shut away in the hospital for a couple of weeks. He teaches me best when my full attention is on Him with the sure understanding that He alone is the Sovereign Lord who holds everything in His hands.

    One night of chills and fevers, I opened my eyes to see that I was receiving an infusion of red blood cells, which supply oxygen to the body and give us energy. My immediate reaction was to raise one arm and say, “Thank you for the blood!” (Anyone who has experienced the boost of energy from receiving blood can relate.)

    “I learned again much that I had forgotten.” Despite having a blood disease… and despite being reminded of blood’s importance every time I visit the doctor… and despite participating in Communion every Sunday… I tend to forget.

    “Thank you for the blood,” triggered every good thought of what Jesus has done for me. He gave His blood… to cover my sins. “Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.” (Hebrews 9:22) The life of the innocent Lamb of God was willingly laid down for our wrongdoing. Jesus’ blood cleanses us… and this gift should never be forgotten.

    “Then He took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying ‘Drink from it, all of you. This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.’” Matthew 26:27-28

    “If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.” I John 1:7

    (Quote from The Two Towers by J. R. R. Tolkien, ©1954, p 98)

  • reports

    —

    Dana

    The T-cells taken from my body the last day of May were shipped to a drug company who is trying to perfect CAR-T cell therapy. These cells, a part of my immune system, were super-charged to fight the myeloma cancer.

    July 9, I received the treated cells in my 9th floor hospital room and basically was told to wait. The doctor explained, “Immediately after the cells entered your blood stream they started multiplying as normal cells do. Then, like a military invasion, they mobilize to search and destroy the cancer.”

    A few hours after receiving the cells I started running fevers. Days two and three, chills and fevers were constant. The fourth and fifth nights were the worst then the fevers finally broke. The doctor kept telling us these were good signs as a war was raging within my body. I was not so sure.

    countsThe cancer in my blood is measured by testing something called Free Lambda. The counts for a healthy person range from 5.7 – 26.3. Elevated counts mean the cancer is active. On April 4 my count was 102.1. On May 1 it was 203.2; on May 23 it was 384.5; and on July 3 the count had risen to 918.6. Last week blood was drawn to find the effect of the treatment. My Free Lambda count dropped to 1.3. We are praising God and thanking our friends at Emory.

    barryOn the very day this test was done, my friend Barry Garner passed away after a courageous fight with the worst type of brain tumor. Barry encouraged me and many, many others to trust in God through the good times and bad. He fearlessly walked through “the valley of the shadow” knowing God was with him. He is now in the presence of His Savior, the perfect place. The pain and sorrow on earth is softened by the hope Barry constantly proclaimed about the love of God.

    What do you do with such opposite reports? Is it possible to celebrate good news and mourn the loss of a friend at the same time? Jesus teaches us to think with a kingdom mind… where life and death, joy and suffering, and victory and defeat are in the hands of the Father. Does not the cross of Christ reveal how God’s ways are different from the world’s? Jesus’ death led to our life. ‘For the joy set before Him’ Jesus suffered… and now He sits at the right hand of the Father. And what everyone thought was sure defeat ended up being the greatest victory in the history of the world.

    Please pray for Barry’s wife and kids in a difficult time. Thank you for all the prayers for me and my family. May our message be one that causes people to think about eternity and find true life in the Son of God.

    “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39

  • lessons

    —

    Dana

    Eighteen years ago I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, an incurable blood cancer. The doctor broke the news to me on my 41st birthday. Sometime in that first year, a friend and colleague suggested I share the lessons God teaches through trials. Another friend, Steve Wolf, has organized these messages into categories that can be found on his website. There are over 600 writings posted and categorized. I think God’s lessons are infinite.

    The first message I tried to communicate was: “I Am Loved.” I’m convinced this is still the first lesson God wants to teach every man, woman, boy, and girl. “Jesus loves me, this I know…” In Christ this magnificent love is revealed. The more we know Jesus, the more we understand God’s love… and God’s love is the hope of the world.

    Jesus is the Master Teacher. The Father, who loves us and has saved us, intends that each be molded into the image of His Son. The Holy Spirit guides, empowers, directs, and comforts us as we live in Christ. God’s ways are brilliant and beyond our comprehension. Presently, I am trying to merge two truths that seem to contradict one another. One truth is that I am righteous, holy, and perfect in Christ. The other is that I am weak, prone to sin, and slow to learn.

    The first truth is absolute. Scripture after Scripture reveals God’s accomplishments for those who put their faith in Christ. We are new creations; we have been given the Holy Spirit; we are branches in the perfect Vine; we are the beloved children of God.

    The second truth is no less true. My wife, children, and close friends can quickly confirm my flaws. If I am honest, I recognize my shortcomings better than anyone. The devil wants us to fall under condemnation with such self-examination, but Jesus wants to simply teach us and help us grow.

    At the beginning of the summer I was chosen to be a part of a cutting-edge medical effort to cure multiple myeloma. I am the 6th person to enter this trial in Georgia and the 95th in the world. Over 40 people were on the waiting list at Emory and I was chosen. My doctor and his team jumped through many hoops to make it happen. Susan and I both felt this is what God wanted us to do.

    The last week of school, I went through several tests to qualify. Some tests were easy; others were more difficult, but I’ve done it all before. After passing everything, the official entry into the trial was the ‘signing of consents’ which took place at Emory with my doctor explaining the necessity of following every detail of the study. The most important day after consents were signed was the ‘harvesting of T-cells’ on a date fixed in stone by the drug company financing the trial. The day was exactly in the middle of the week we were supposed to be in Ecuador… another assignment we felt God had given. Being up front with my doctor and the trial coordinator, we explained our dilemma and I promised to return early in time for my appointment. They hesitantly agreed, I signed the consents, and three days later we were on a plane to Ecuador.

    I would like to boast about being so confident that everything would go super-smoothly that I was as calm as Jesus in the boat during a storm. The truth is, after landing in Ecuador a new anxiety popped into my head almost every hour that could prevent me from fulfilling my commitment to the trial. So how can a ‘new creation’ worry so much? I prayed constantly for grace, realizing I could not overcome with my own will-power. Others also prayed for me… and Jesus taught.

    I was to be at Emory at 7:30 am on Thursday. The plane from Quito was scheduled to depart at 11:30 Wednesday night and arrive in Atlanta at 5:50 Thursday morning. Given my well-earned reputation for getting lost, our friend Marco volunteered to accompany me from Cajabamba to Quito. We were to leave Wednesday a little before 1:30 and take the four hour trip by bus to the capitol. At 1:40, I stood in a prayer circle with Marco’s parents and an American friend; Marco had not arrived. As Pastor Manuel prayed in Spanish, everyone was shedding tears… except me. You know what I was thinking: “Where is Marco? If we miss that bus, I am in trouble.”

    img_8600God convicted me in that tiny prayer circle: “These are my saints… who love Me and love you.” In other words: “Seek My kingdom first.” In other words: “Take no thought for your life.” Marco arrived as the prayer ended; we caught the bus with 5 seconds to spare; we made it to the Quito bus terminal; I took a taxi to the airport and arrived three hours before the scheduled departure. Then I learned the plane to Atlanta was delayed by more than an hour and one person said the flight might be cancelled.

    I concluded: “OK Lord, I think I was supposed to come to Ecuador. I think I am supposed to be on this trial. I’ll either make it or I won’t. I’m in Your hands.” The plane left around 1:00 am. I got to Emory at 7:45 and spent nearly eight hours at the hospital letting them harvest my T-cells. This involved placing a triple line in an artery in my neck, drawing my blood out of one line into a machine that separated the special white blood cells from the rest of the cells, then returning the blood through another line back into my body. Taylor and his kids picked me up that afternoon and took me home… and I gave thanks.

    The main lesson seems familiar: I am loved… whether I catch a plane or not. My family is loved; you are loved; Pastor Manuel and all his family and citizens of Ecuador are loved. Love is the banner over God’s Kingdom and we can trust Him. (In a week or so we should know the effectiveness of the treatment…)

    “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” I John 4:16

  • everything

    —

    Dana

    The One who voluntarily made Himself nothing is now everything!

    “Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the Name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:9-11)

    He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Lion of Judah, the Mighty One. He is the Savior who calls us friends and intercedes at the right hand of the Father. His Spirit lives in us and He bestows every spiritual blessing. He is the Vine and we are the branches who receive His redemption, righteousness, holiness, and wisdom. He is our peace, our life… He is everything.

    It is hard to believe that we are at the end of another school year. I want to thank my faithful friend Steve Wolf for helping with another year of writing. The Wolfs live in Colorado so I hope to see more of them after Kinsey, Jordan, and Owen move to Denver.

    I plan to leave with a group from church for Ecuador this Sunday. It looks like I will need to return early to begin a cutting-edge trial at Emory called CAR T-cell therapy. T-cells are cells in our immune system that will be harvested from my blood and shipped to a laboratory for treatment. The treated cells will then be frozen and sent back to Emory for me to receive after a dose of chemotherapy.

    The theory is that these weaponized CAR (chimeric antigen receptor) T-cells will multiply in my blood and then attack and destroy the multiple myeloma cells. I will be hospitalized two weeks for this process to take place. If the plan works, I’ll be cancer free with no need to take drugs.

    I’ve told God to feel free to heal me without the scientific drama, but He is the Potter… If He brings me through the imminent tests, a wedding I am to officiate tomorrow, a short trip to the Andes, a daughter’s move to Denver, and a crazy-sounding experimental plan to fight blood cancer… it will be a summer to remember. Whatever happens, we know: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.” (Psalm 46:1-2)

    As always, Susan and I cherish your prayers. Have a great June and July!

    “Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, You are the Potter; we are all the work of Your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

    “It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God — that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption.” I Corinthians 1:30

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