The last time I was at the doctor, I asked the nurses if they had ever seen a patient who could predict his blood counts before any blood was drawn. They smiled and said, “There has only been one.” I learned he had the same cancer I have, so I set a goal: “I want to be just like that guy!”
Yesterday as I rode the elevator to the second floor of the building, I predicted in my mind what my counts would be. I figure if I get real good at this I can avoid quite a few sticks in the arm. As I sat in the chair watching my nurse Gwen prepare the needle, another nurse remarked, “There he is.” Gwen looked out the window and said, “Everybody better hide their pens! The ‘courier thief’ is in the parking lot.” Not being able to see out the window, I was a little confused. They explained that a certain courier often comes into their office to pick up or drop off items. Over the years, I’ve noticed many young men making these runs, but this courier, I learned, has a bad habit. Almost every time he comes to their place he steals pens. “He’s even gone into offices to steal pens,” one nurse said. Gwen shared that one time they set a trap for him, leaving a pen on the front desk, confident he would steal it. As he prepared to leave, the receptionist asked if he had picked up a pen. After several denials, he finally searched his pockets and found that he had “accidentally ” taken it.
This was an interesting story, but as my blood was drawn, I told these nurses of my goal to be able to predict my blood counts. “Oh Dana, there’s only one man that can do that. We call him our ‘genius patient.’ He is so smart he gets it right every time. He is a fascinating man.” I asked how old he was and learned that he is quite a bit older than I am. Gwen added, “I think he’s supposed to come in sometime this week.”
In my predictions, I missed my red blood count by two tenths of a point and my platelet count by five thousand. This was really pretty close, but I know I am far from the standard of the ‘genius patient.’ As I got up to move to the chemo room, one of the nurses waved to get my attention. An older gentleman had just entered the area and the nurse mouthed the words, “That’s him!” I was so excited. What a coincidence! I was going to get to meet the one and only man who can predict his blood counts – my new hero.
I had to weigh before leaving the room and, to my great disappointment, after I stepped off the scales I turned to see that the man had disappeared. I rushed out of the room to see him exit the doctor’s office. Not wanting to lose my chance to talk to him, I ran out of the office and saw him standing by himself next to the elevator. “Did you know there’s someone who wants to be just like you?!” I asked. The man, a little caught off guard, answered, “Who’s that?” With a big smile on my face, I said, “It’s me! I have the same disease you have and I want to be able to predict things the way you do. I’ve heard a lot about you from the nurses.” The man just kind of looked at me and said, “Well… you just never know.” Realizing we weren’t going to have a long conversation, I stuck out my hand and introduced myself. He shook my hand and I returned to the office.
As I walked by the nurses’ station to go to the chemo room, both nurses yelled, “Dana, where did you go?” I proudly replied, “I went to meet your ‘genius patient’!” Gwen said, “That wasn’t the ‘genius patient’! That was the ‘courier thief’!”
I wonder what nickname they have for me…
“Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.” Proverbs 6:30-31