Dana's Christian Journey

musings of a thankful cancer survivor

Author: Dana

  • simple faith

    —

    Dana

    At dinner recently, five-year-old John prayed, “God, I hope you’re having a good day up in Heaven.” Jesus praised this innocent faith in little ones and said we couldn’t enter the Kingdom without it. John has been able to go to camp with us a couple of weeks this summer. He soaks in the stories of God in our assemblies and at home. On a rainy afternoon at our house, after a long tiring day, we watched ‘Josh and the Great Wall’, one of the Bible stories from the creative people of VeggieTales. This episode recounts the conclusion of the Israelites’ wanderings in the wilderness and their victory at Jericho as Joshua led the people to faithfully obey God’s unusual instructions. John was quite impressed when the wall came tumbling down.

    After the show concluded, he started to walk out of the room, but stopped and said, “Dana, I’ve got to do something.” He then walked to our den window, looked up into the cloudy sky, and started praying: “God, me and Dana really want to play outside. Would you let the sun come out? Would you make the rain stop? Please!”

    So a forty-nine-year-old man, needing faith for the day, played ball with a little boy who believed the same God that brought down Jericho’s walls could let the sun shine a couple of hours before bedtime. I don’t think it rained another drop that afternoon.

    Faith must be most pleasing to God when it is child-like. This is my desire: to walk with God in simple trust. I am the child; He is the Father. I am the clay; He is the Potter. I am the branch; Jesus is the Vine. Why should it be more complicated?

    So when we reach the moment of crisis or when we enter the dark valley, we can recall with deep, but simple faith David’s classic song: “The Lord is my Shepherd, I don’t need a thing. He leads me into still and quiet places; He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for the glory of His wonderful Name. Even if I enter the valley of the shadow of death, I have no reason to fear, for you, Jesus, are with me. You comfort me with your rod and your staff; you anoint me with the oil of your Spirit; you pour more into my cup than my cup can hold! You even prepare a table where we can fellowship in the presence of our enemies. I want to have a good day in your presence! Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in your house forever.”

    Susan and I recently celebrated our 28th anniversary in a place in South Carolina rich with history. Slaves from the 1700’s until emancipation communicated simple confidence in the Good Shepherd, though they were thousands of miles from home. Alex Haley, the author of “Roots,” closed a 1981 article about the Gullah people of Daufuskie Island with their rendition of a section of David’s Psalm. Simple faith…

    “Eben do a wak tru de daak walley ob de shada ob det, a yent scayd, cuz oona da stay ‘long me.” Psalm 23:4

  • found

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    Dana

    Preparation for a rough time ahead usually involves receiving different input. I’m smart enough (I think) to know that the better physical shape I’m in, the better the chance of recovering quickly, so I’m walking quite a bit and getting this old body in tune. Susan knows emotional preparation is important, so we’re getting away a couple of days this weekend to celebrate 28 years of marriage. Doctors have prescribed a rather intense chemo regimen to keep the cancer as low as possible before transplant, so twice a week, two out of three weeks, I get infusions at the doctor’s office. But the Holy Spirit gives the best advice…

    We were at my parents over Memorial Day weekend and these words from Paul leapt from the page and I’ve been pondering them ever since. “… that I may gain Christ and be found in him…” “Be found in Jesus” – that’s the counsel from above. Sunday we discussed this amongst a community of believers. Different thoughts emerged as I proposed that this message was not for me alone. “What does ‘being found in Christ’ involve?” I love my son. Few would call him a scholar, but his insights typically bring simple understanding. Taylor said, “You know you guys can often find me on the lake fishing or on the volleyball court playing.” His mom interjected, “Or in the classroom, we hope…” “Oh yes, you’ll find me in class,” Taylor said, “but those other places are where I’d rather be found.” The meaning is clear: you can often be found where you want to be. So where do you like to be? The cool thing is I have often found myself very close to Christ while I’m fishing with my son or while I’m working with my family at day camp or when I’m with my wife on a date. There is an intentional aspect to being ‘found in Christ,’ though. Taylor is not found on a lake early Saturday morning unless he prepared the night before. I don’t have the energy to do all the stuff he does to catch a fish… but I pray I have the energy to be found in Christ. If I am lazy or deceived by different priorities or consumed with fleeting matters… I am stupid.

    For in Christ I have everything I need to go through the valley of the shadow of death. He removes the fear; he gives the peace that passes all understanding; he gives the strength for the day; and he even gives joy in the journey. And beyond the blessings I receive, there is the grand promise that God produces lasting fruit in those that abide in the Son. Pretty amazing…

    People have gone though difficult times lately. Some forecasters say things are getting better and there is reason to hope. These forecasts usually pertain little to what God is doing. He does not fret when economies crumble or wars break out or oceans roar. In fact, he tells us to expect everything to shake until only the unshakable remains. The ‘unshakable’ things can only be found in Christ – the goal of the journey. “Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

    “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5

  • run race

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    Dana

    We’ve set July 13 as the day the long process of ‘stem transplant’ begins. After 3 or so days of outpatient stuff, I’ll be admitted to Emory for approximately 3 weeks. Then I’ll be ‘out of commission’ for about 3 months while my four million stem cells re-build a depleted immune system. This use of God’s creation of my very own cells to knit me back together is quite fascinating — not fun, but fascinating.

    This is usually my last writing of the season, as school is ending and camp starts up. Steve, my tech guru, is working on re-hosting our mailing list on his server. This change will get rid of the Yahoo! Groups ads, and I’ll be able to resume sending notes myself rather than having to relay them through Steve.

    If there are updates to pass along, I’ll communicate this summer. Susan and the kids and I really do appreciate your support and prayers.

    Here’s last week’s ‘story for another time’: The three-day stem cell collection went very smoothly. I got home Friday around 2:00 and hoped to relax and recover. A little before 4:00, I noticed blood trickling down my chest from where the three-line catheter entered my body. This gadget was used to gather the stem cells and it is an important tool for the upcoming transplant. We called the doctor and followed the instructions to apply pressure for an hour. When this did not work, they told us to go to the Emergency Room, which seems to always be busiest on Friday nights. I was high on the triage list and soon we were in a nice room with nurses attending my wound. Four hours later, after going through numerous bandages and gowns, the bleeding continued. Everyone seemed confused. I thought it was due to low platelets, but tests proved otherwise. They put a sandbag weight on my chest and we just sat there. Finally (I’m a slow learner), I said to Susan, “Pray that this will stop! Jesus can stop this bleeding better than these people can.” Susan prayed a prayer of faith. She asked Jesus to put an immediate end to the problem. I thought, “God hears the prayer of my wife. I’ll be out of here soon!” Two hours later, I was still bleeding. The doctor told us it was not life-threatening, so I told him I could bleed in my own bed as well as I could bleed at Emory. We had to be back the next morning anyway, so a little past midnight we drove home.

    Of course, I bled all night and as we arrived at the clinic Saturday morning, nothing had changed. God was answering our prayers with a definite: “No.” At 12:30 pm, I informed my new nurses that I had learned that I did not need to be in their presence to bleed. (My nurses don’t think I’m too funny sometimes, but they really do love me.) Promising we would return at 4:00 if nothing had improved, Susan and I went to watch our girls’ tennis team play in the AA State Championship. We played great and came in second in the state. I peeked under my shirt after it was over and saw the bleeding had not stopped so we drove back to the emergency room where a doctor who inserts catheters met us. He was a nice young man and suggested that they hospitalize me two days and put a five pound weight on my chest to stop the mysterious bleeding. Susan and I suggested a better idea: “Pull the catheter!” He admitted that was an option, but he did not have authority without talking to an oncologist. “Do you want to borrow my cell phone?” Thankfully, my oncologist, an incredible but crafty multiple myeloma expert, was not ‘on call.’ The doctor ‘on call’ said he would trust the decision the radiologist and the patient made. Thirty minutes later, Susan and I were walking out of Emory laughing at a great turn of events and thanking God for saying ‘no’ to previous prayers.

    If God had stopped the bleeding and the catheter had remained, I would have been begging to transplant as soon as possible (like this week) to get rid of the hassle in my chest (I think the doctor knew what I had forgotten over 8 years.) Without the catheter, I had some negotiating power as we made summer plans. We really did want to finish the school year, start up camp, celebrate an anniversary, go to a few summer weddings, and visit our families before going into seclusion. We think God will help us in these endeavors, but first he had to answer “no.”

    I’ll close with the Scripture I’ve used most over these years. We’re all running a race, and we want to run well. This passage follows a chapter that tells us it is impossible to please God without faith. Chapter 11 tells us what faith is and gives many stories to examine. The following verses are rooted in Jesus, who not only is our best example, but who is the Author and Perfecter of faith. He’s also the Finish Line… so run well and keep your eyes fixed on your Lord and Savior.

    “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3

  • answers

    —

    Dana

    So the answer to many prayers was: 2.25 million stem cells in 3 days of collection. Some credit drugs (though they were the same drugs I took three years ago when we got 1.8 million in 6 days). Some credit the doctors, nurses, and hospital. Some credit luck. I credit the One who created me and knows everything about my body, my past, and my future on this earth and beyond. And I thank all who have loved, encouraged, and prayed.

    One of the best answers to our prayers last week (a story for another time) was “no.” God answers “no” a lot, just like we say “no” to our kids quite often. Jesus taught us to be persistent and to persevere, but we still know God sometimes says “no.” He said “no” to Paul’s request for a ‘thorn’ to be removed and he told Paul the reason. I now know the reason God said “no” to us last week (in the story for another time), but most often I don’t have a clue.

    So what I want to share today of what God taught me and my family last week comes from a guy who still has cancer, who has been the target of scores of prayers, and who has heard “no” quite a few times. This is something that does not please God at all: ‘double-mindedness.’ James teaches a simple thing particularly about praying for wisdom: “But when he asks he must believe and not doubt.” He then says a man who doubts (as he prays for wisdom) is “like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the winds. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” (see James 1:2-8)

    Here’s a confession: I would pray ‘impossible’ prayers to God, knowing he can do all things, but in talking to others I would declare a totally opposite point of view. Of course, I would not say to a friend, “I am praying for 2 million stem cells but God will not answer that prayer.” No, I would pray in private then simply disregard God in conversation with others. To God: “Lord, you can do all things! Please don’t let this time in the hospital be wasted. Bring millions of cells!” To friends: “Yeah, they hope to get 2 million stem cells, but it ain’t gonna to happen. They only got 1.8 three years ago and I’ve been on chemo for three years. My bone marrow is so beat up that we’ll be lucky to get a million.” This is double-mindedness – I’m talking one way to God and a whole different way to others.

    This may be a poor example, but it’s the best I could come up with: A four-year-old boy often watches his athletic dad ride a bike and he wants to be just like him. So one day he sincerely asks, “Daddy, will you get me a bike and teach me to ride just like you?” The wise father refrains from answering ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ but says instead, “Son, I’ll think about it.” Within the hour the little boy is playing in the neighborhood with his three best friends and as someone rides down the street on a bicycle, he seriously says, “I’m so little and those bikes are too big. I’ll never be able to ride one!”

    Of course, we would understand the little boy’s thinking as he sees ‘bike-riding-without-training-wheels’ as an impossible task, but here’s what the dad might say: “Son, if you ask me to get you a bike and teach you to ride, you’ve got to believe I can do it.”

    God can answer our prayers any way he likes… we confess he knows what is best. But he does want us to believe in him, to trust him, to know he loves us, and to consistently share these things with one another and with an unbelieving world.

    “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “If you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.” John 11:21-27

  • collection

    —

    Dana

    This is an update about things going on health-wise. (I know these can be quite boring… I get bored and I’m the target!) Today I had surgery to insert a triple-line catheter into my chest to aid with giving blood and receiving blood (or other less pleasant things). Wednesday I begin the process of stem cell collection. In 2005, while the cancer count was basically non-existent, I did this and harvested about 1.8 million stem cells from my bone marrow. These are currently frozen at Northside Hospital. I am now working with the doctors at Emory Hospital, where I had a stem cell transplant in 2001. If we get enough cells this week, there’s a good possibility I’ll have another transplant in the near future. (If you want to pray specifically… they would like to get at least 2 million more cells.) The challenge is this: the more chemotherapy a person has had (I’ve had a bunch), the more damage there is to the bone marrow and the less stems cells are in the bones. Collection involves sitting still for five hours while my blood runs through a machine and stem cells are captured. I’m scheduled to do this at Emory through Saturday of this week… then we’ll see.

    Susan and I are at peace. The bad numbers have jumped significantly the past 4 months, so we believe we need to go on the offensive. My bones were hurting pretty bad before spring break, but, as often happens, God removed all pain when we left the country and he has given me abundant energy all spring. I marvel at his ways, his provision, his power, and his humor. We need his wisdom for important decisions, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if we’re in his will, we can’t really mess up. Being in his will means we really desire to follow his plan… and we obey him. “So we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” I can’t say I understand completely how all this works, but I do understand a little more than I used to.

    So we appreciate all prayers. No need to worry… just present your requests to God… with thanksgiving.

    “Now about the collection for God’s people…” I Corinthians 16:1 (… a little out of context… sorry)

    “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7

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