Dana's Christian Journey

musings of a thankful cancer survivor

Author: Dana

  • analyst

    —

    Dana

    In the hospital, I watched HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, a Tom Clancy story about a Russian naval captain defecting to the US with a top secret submarine. Jack Ryan is the CIA analyst who argued that he knew what was happening, though all the US military thought war was about to break out. The analyst bases judgments and decisions on what he knows about his opponent and the present situation. Most facts are hidden from the common man and the good analyst often puts his ‘neck on the line’ to appeal for what may seem to be extreme, or even foolish action. (Of course, Jack Ryan is a great analyst…)

    When they detected problems with my heart, I was taken to another floor to have an echo-cardiogram. The technician was a young Vietnamese lady who is a Christian with a great burden for the orphans of Asia. She and her husband have two children of their own, but had recently adopted a little girl from China. As she was sharing her story she put the cold petroleum jelly on my chest and started rolling the little instrument that showed my beating heart. I was in a position where I could not see the screen so I asked what she observed. She did not answer quickly so I prodded a little more. “Do you just record or can you analyze what you see?” “Oh, I can analyze what I see,” she replied. “Well, what’s your analysis?” I asked. “Your heart is damaged… it is very clear.” “Is it fixable?” I asked. “Oh, we’ve seen great progress with this type of heart damage. You listen to the doctors and do what they say.” We both know there is a Great Physician who not only holds our physical hearts but the spiritual ones that only He sees.

    I don’t really know the reason, but a certain Old Testament chapter stayed on my mind through my first bout with cancer in 2000 and now again through this recent transplant. In Ezekiel 37 a story is told that required analysis. If a human friend had asked Ezekiel this certain question, the answer would have been a no-brainer. “Look in that valley, Ezekiel. Do you see all the dry bones? Do you think those  bones could ever live again?” “Impossible” would be the logical answer. But the One who asked the question was no mere human. He was God, our Creator. So the analyst gave a wise answer: “O Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Read the chapter to see what happened, but I wonder what impossible questions God is asking today.

    Can the ‘lukewarm’ western church be set on fire? Can people of other religions who want to destroy Christians meet and love the Christ that died for them? Can the Jews who deny their Messiah has come to the earth ever see the truth? Can Christians divided by opinions and traditions ever become one as Jesus prayed? Can a heart consumed by lesser things be consumed with the Spirit of the Living God?

    “O Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Ezekiel 37:3
    “For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37

  • prepare

    —

    Dana

    Yesterday, I got good news regarding the protein test that measures the cancer I’m fighting. I went into the transplant with a count of 4.6, which is pretty high. In the thirty days since transplant, the number has dropped to .7, which has excited all the doctors and nurses (and us). Also, the cardiologist feels like my heart is rebounding, so he has taken me off everything but one pill a day. I know you will want to praise God for these things and we humbly thank you for praying so much for us. Around the 100 day mark, another protein blood test will be taken and a bone marrow biopsy will reveal if any cancer is in the bone marrow.

    Susan and I met a young couple last week who are about to go through the same thing we have. He was diagnosed with lymphoma a month before they were to get married. They delayed the wedding a few weeks, did a couple of rounds of chemo, then got married. She is a beautiful twenty-five year old Georgia native taking care of a strong twenty-six year old husband from South Carolina. He is athletic, a bit defiant, and determined to get through this stem cell transplant as quick as he can. I pray he does… with no setbacks.

    Susan thought I was prepared for my second transplant. I was stronger than before, more experienced, and less beaten down by drugs. But from the first day in the hospital, everything seemed to go in unexpected directions: the catheter they put in my chest would not stop bleeding (they removed it a week later), I developed pneumonia (which lasted a couple of weeks), I started coughing up blood (which lasted about a month), and fluid built up in my body to the point that my heart could not handle the load (causing my blood pressure to run extremely high). I can’t count on one hand how many times I heard a doctor or nurse say, “I’ve never seen this happen before.” (Not exactly what a patient wants to hear:) So what do you do when you think you’re prepared, but reality proves otherwise.

    Lying in the hospital, I sometimes wonder about preparations that are far more important than health. Jesus often said, “Be prepared; you don’t know when I am going to return.” He tells us to “watch and pray” and to be ready. I can say “I’m ready” based on my feelings or what other people might tell me. But Jesus is the one who knows and He eagerly invites the courageous, humble one to ask what He sees. In a parable, ten virgins waited for the Bridegroom, but only five were prepared with the oil required. The five who had to run to town to make a purchase were called ‘foolish’ because they could not enter the feast. Who is foolish today? Are there wise ones treasuring the things of the Spirit as they watch for their Master?

    Humility requires that if we go to Jesus and He points out our errors we must quickly repent and ask Him to supply what we lack. “You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” (Revelation 3:17-19)

    When teachers say, “Be prepared for your test tomorrow,” good students heed the warning. When coaches spend a week preparing for Friday’s game, the players know it is serious. When a doctor tells a person how to prepare for an upcoming surgery, the wise patient follows directions. But what do we do with Jesus’ words?

    “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.” Matthew 24:42-44

  • WHO

    —

    Dana

    Last week I returned home from Emory and am slowly joining the land of the living. Thank you so much for every prayer, kind thought, card, and word of encouragement. I go to the clinic every other day where they check my blood and vitals. Next week I am to see a cardiologist, as they are concerned my heart has been impacted by all the trauma of this process. I’m thankful for the doctors and nurses and techs… but I need more.

    The first Sunday I was in the hospital, my son, Taylor, brought the message I needed. He and his girlfriend, Emma, had heard the testimony of a young pastor at an active church in the city. As Taylor talked, I thought, “This sure sounds familiar,” then I remembered that this pastor’s wife was one of my basketball players from a few years back. Once she had asked me to pray about a huge career decision to be made as they finished their time at the university. The offer seemed beyond spectacular… large company, incredible position, great pay, grand future… The problem was there were many opportunities for compromise. The question in both their hearts was: Could we get this position and be on top of the world while ignoring and even offending God? I was so proud those many years ago when my basketball player said, “Coach Davis, We just couldn’t do it. No matter what the money or so-called ‘security,’ we knew we would not be walking in faith. God wouldn’t be leading our lives.” So they said ‘no’ and eventually accepted a leadership position at a start-up church in the city. The impact they have had on souls in Atlanta these past several years are immeasurable. Don’t you love God’s ways?

    So Taylor is sharing this story in my hospital room and he tells me he’s not reached the main point yet. For several mornings he had been texting me Scriptures, until I lost my phone by sending it out with the laundry (it turned up in Rome, GA four weeks later). He asked, “Remember that verse I gave you from Isaiah about wings like eagles?” “Yes, look at the nice eagle Kinsey drew on the nurse’s ‘whiteboard’ with those words underneath. And Karlyn, seeing that my hair was falling out, wrote ‘Bald Eagle’ above the head, just to make sure there was no confusion.” “Well,” Taylor continued, “the powerful message is in the preceding verses. This is my hope and Emma’s hope and your hope and everyone’s hope!”

    “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.” – Isaiah 40:28

    “I’m a little slow, son, explain it to me.”

    “Dad, it is all in the ‘WHO.’ We often concentrate on the lesser words. ‘WHEN’ I graduate, then I’ll be ready for life. No, I’ve got to focus on ‘WHO’ is leading me in college day by day. Or, ‘WHAT’ are they doing to you in this hospital to get you well? You’ve got to focus on ‘WHO’ is with you, strengthening you, comforting you. Or Emma may think, ”HOW’ am I going to get to this place in my career when there are so many people ahead of me?’ But she must simply concentrate on ‘WHO’ got her the job and honor Him in all she does and trust Him completely.”

    “Taylor, this is so simple, but profound. Will you thank the preacher and give his wife a hug? Will you remind me of this truth when I am in pain and tend to forget? Will you live like this and encourage Emma and all your friends to keep this focus? It will mean we will trust God and honor Him… and love Him. And look at the promise He gives?”

    “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31

  • cracked

    —

    Dana

    On the Fourth of July, I took a hike from my parents’ house to a familiar place with a beautiful view. As I walked I noticed the ground was cracked, the surroundings were parched, and there was no beauty on the journey. But I had to go through this ‘desert’ to get to the spot with the splendid view.

    In a few hours, after a summer of plenty, I’ll enter another desert. God doesn’t hesitate to let his children walk on cracked ground. Though he often makes us lie down in green pastures, parched surroundings also work into his plans. And the enemy tempts us mightily in these difficult places. So we pray, “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” But what if we’re led into the desert? Oh for an unconditional trust in the One who knows the past and future! Once God led his children into the desert because he knew they weren’t ready to face a fiercer enemy. “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.” (Exodus 13:17-18)

    Of course when we don’t completely trust, a natural human tendency quickly emerges: complaining. “So the people grumbled…” “In the desert the whole community grumbled…” “So they quarreled with Moses and said, ‘Give us water to drink.’” God is not telling us to be pretentious or dishonest. There is nothing wrong in saying, “Lord, I could really use a cool cup of water about now. Would you tell me where to find one?” But we must leave the answers (and timing) to him. Does he not know what we need even before we ask? When his wise ways don’t line up with our plans, we must avoid the complaining mode. In the Father’s eyes, such an attitude translates into unbelief (read Psalm 78 for a quick review). When we complain and grumble we’re not keeping in mind what God has done in the past; we’re not remembering his infinite love toward us; and we’re not trusting he is able to bring us through the darkness into wonderful light.

    Praise in the desert must bring a smile to the Father’s face. “We’re not spoiled children who only love you when our bellies are full and everything is going well. No, our hearts will always be loyal for we know who you are! You’ve given your Son to provide the way to you and you’ve given your Holy Spirit to comfort and strengthen us. So we will praise you in the storm and trust your grace to be sufficient.”

    As always, Jesus is the example. He was led by the Spirit into the desert and was tempted by the evil one. Though he was weak in the flesh, he lived on the Word of God and even Satan could not pierce his armor. These forty days were not easy… but they weren’t supposed to be. So if we are sons and daughters of God, why should we be surprised by difficult seasons? “When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time. Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit…” And if we are sons and daughters of God, why should we be surprised by victorious conclusions?

    As usual, I am preaching to myself… so if you hear any grumbling or faithlessness on my part, just smack me and remind me to practice what I preach. Susan will probably send periodic e-mails to share the fun we’re having. I’ll write when I can. We’re thankful for all your prayers and kindness.

    “Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” Isaiah 50:10

  • fellowship

    —

    Dana

    We met with the doctor at Emory yesterday, signed consents, and got our schedules. Friday, July 17, preliminary procedures begin. Monday, July 20, the rough stuff starts. I’ll be admitted to the hospital that day and will be in a couple of weeks. We appreciate all your prayers and words of encouragement.

    A friend, who seems a little closer in age now than when I first met him, loves to invite Taylor and me to his neighborhood lake, a haven for large mouth bass. I first came to know David when I was a first-year teacher and coach. He was in the seventh grade and was one of my basketball guys. I guess we were only eight years apart then, which now in our forties does not seem too big a difference. David does not offer a place to fish without expectations. He calls for updates and asks us to make frequent contacts to report fish activity, catches, weights, and misses. We had been fishing about two hours one afternoon in the sweltering heat and things were not going well. I had caught two, which was pretty good for me, but Taylor had only caught two and had missed about six big fish. David called and listened to our sad report. It is not like Taylor to miss so many fish and I made a comment that maybe this fishing expedition was about “more than catching fish.” David laughed and said to call him later. I asked, “Do you want us to call even if we have no good news?” David gave a classic fisherman’s answer: “Of course! Good fishermen love to hear the frustrations of others!”

    “So, Dad, what did you mean when you said this day may be about more than catching fish?” “Well, Taylor, maybe it is simply about a father spending time with his son… and maybe it’s about a son spending time with his dad.” Years ago Taylor would have been a little confused by such words, but he was in full agreement. “You’re right… just being together is most important.” Funny thing… within four minutes of David’s phone call and our forty-five second conversation, we caught three fish. The bass started biting and I ended up having to put my rod down because I was getting sore from all the action. Taylor must have caught twenty-five bass and one blue gill in the next hour. I felt like I was watching ‘the fishing channel’ up close and personal. I called David with an excellent report and he gladly came to meet us at the shore to hear the details. I still think the day was about “more than fish.”

    Here’s what God treasures: Fellowship. Jesus loved fellowship as he walked the earth. He enjoyed a meal at Simon the Leper’s house and was just as comfortable as a friend could be. I’ll bet Jesus invited himself to the house of Zacchaeus with the biggest smile on his face. I picture him taking a nap on Mary and Martha’s sofa after a filling dinner. I think he loved simple conversation and I think he wants us to know that fellowship with him and God’s children is one of the things we ought to cherish most on this earth.

    “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” We know Jesus said this before the Last Supper, but why did he eagerly await this meal? He knew he was going to enter a horrible time of suffering and he wanted to spend time with those with whom he shared life. Jesus loved those guys. He loved to eat with them, laugh with them, sing with them, talk about important things with them, and to simply rest with them… fellowship.

    God loves having fellowship with us… peaceful, restful, Father-child fellowship. Taylor and I did not solve all the world’s problems as we sat fishless and sweating on a boat. We did laugh. We did talk about God’s faithfulness. We did talk about goals for the future. We did talk about faith. But all of this was unplanned… it was the natural conversation of a father and son. If we simply enter a place of fellowship with our Father in Heaven, I think we receive similar blessings. We may laugh. We may recount the many times God has rescued us. We’ll thank him for who he is and for all he has accomplished for us. We may pray about the future and conclude it would be best if God’s will be done. We may ask important questions and get some important answers. We may receive correction and discipline… all rooted in love. We won’t understand all things, but we can determine to continue to walk by faith. And at the end of the time of fellowship we may say to God what He constantly says to us: “I love you.”

    “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” John 17:24-26

    “And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete. This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” I John 1:3-7

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